How I’ve been getting sidetracked…

I’m currently finding myself in an awkward situation. I’ve gone through a few phases in this project where I’ve felt frustrated, because I haven’t been able to focus and find the thread that connects all my ideas. I have also felt frustrated by the fact that my mind is working on the speed of light, and I have a gazillion ideas and endless inspiration, but I haven’t been able to translate these ideas into a visual shape just yet. In my mind I have, and in my mind I am happy with the outcomes, but as soon as I sit down to sketch and bring them out of my head, I hit a wall.

My sketches just don’t do my ideas justice. I’ve also been wanting to experiment more with the materials themselves, but the materials I want to use are out of reach. I know I want to work with biomaterials, but I don’t know where to seek them and how to create them. There are some recipes, but I am always missing a vital ingredient that holds me back. It’s like my imagined reality is full of possibility and inspiration and creativity, yet my objective reality is presenting me with obstacles that I have been feeling incapable of tackling.

This is why I have been staying in in my imagined reality a lot. Not in the way that I am not present. I have been taking in my surroundings like a sponge, absorbing everything and letting it lead me forward. Nature has been an endless source of inspiration, and I truly believe that nature has all the answers that we seek if we are willing to listen. Being present in nature has allowed me to create a bright future in my head. With everything that is going on in the world at the moment, it would be too easy to lose hope in humanity and our future. But I have been in that state of mind and achieved nothing with it, and losing hope does not change anything. I am realising that there is a reason to remain hopeful, because the opportunities for change are endless. I’ve made up my mind to view everything that is going on as a catalyst for change, and every single problem we face as an opportunity. I am starting to see myself as a contributor to the good, and to contribute to the good I need to allow myself to feel the gratitude and joy and happiness in these little moments.

In a way you might say that we, the human race, as well as the planet and all its inhabitants, are collectively going through adolescence, with insane growing pains. We’ve been naive, and we’ve made a lot of mistakes, as you do in your youth when you are yet to learn that actions have consequences and that you are, in fact, not the centre of the universe. Now we are in a phase of awkward confusion. There is a lot of anguish and pain, a lot of fear and uncertainty, but this may be our biggest opportunity for growth we have ever had.

This is the reason I have been getting sidetracked, and I have been allowing myself to. I am allowing myself to step out of the bubble of following guidelines and do what I think I should be doing, to be able to do whatever I do with full integrity. I feel like I don’t have space anymore to get distracted by fluff.

I am starting to question what I want, and where I find my purpose. It’s not a simple answer. I want a lot of things. I question everything at the moment. These are the things I have been getting sidetracked by, because I feel their importance, but haven’t yet found all the tools or connections I need to translate them into my objective reality.

Some of them may sound silly or naive, but I am exposing these without protecting my ego for once, so here’s an example of what I want:

1. I want to create a model of a house made entirely from biodegradable and renewable sources, with mycelium being the key component of the structure and interior. It would be a climate positive process and end result, and include all necessities and comforts to make a home.

2. I want to research the ability of fungi in breaking down components of textile waste, especially from mixed material fabrics. It would be incredible if fungi or other microorganisms could help us separate synthetic, inorganic materials from natural fibres, and thereby make the recycling process easier. Another option might be the creation of an entirely new material where the mycelium grows on textile waste as a substrate.
   

Some other ideas include a local biomaterial research centre and production facility in Iceland, a mushroom farm, a colour coding system for the conscious sustainable consumer, a human waste collection system for manure, biodegradable interior objects that bind CO2 and give back to the soil when their lifecycle is over, a reconstruction of a bed of moss to lie on when you feel overwhelmed and ungrounded, and lots of thoughts around design that gives back to the planet instead of taking away from it.

My head is buzzing. I become absorbed in what surrounds me. I feel joy and gratitude and everything in between. A lot of inspiration and a lot of hope. And I hope it will materialize. That's all I can say for now.